Doctor Who and the Reindeer of Death

Archivist's note: This was the BBC's festive offering for 2009.

The Doctor Who is in Lapland. Alone once more - apart from a film crew. Trampling through the snow. He knows he is near the end. He is the ONLY ONE LEFT. The laws of time will obey him - he's gone bad.

Director: "OK, luvvies. Action!"

The camera shows the Doctor Who momentarily bemused as he spots the Tardis buried in snow, surrounded by inquisitive reindeer. He raises an eyebrow then gives a knowing smirk.

Director: "Cut!"

The Doctor Who is on his mobile. "Listen, Ramsay. I've found the merchandise. Correctamundo. Enough to fill your freezers many times over. But it's gonna cost you. Yeah, I could use the sonic. But nah. You know me. Always happy to use a gun - just not when anyone's watching."

The evil the Doctor Who pauses to think, then continues. "If you think I'm gonna hump those carcasses into the Tardis, you're a bigger mother than I thought, Gordon. But I've had an idea. I think I might be able to get them to come to you - I'll just have a word with the Director. Hah!"

Moments later, filming resumes. The Doctor Who has hitched the reindeer to his mysterious blue box. With a maniacal laugh, he rides Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolf away into the vortex... and to their certain doom.

Archivist: Suthers