Drags On A Bit Fire

The Doctor Who the rrrrarely rrrrremembered seventh is questioning his sexual identity, so when he mishears over the time-space visualiser that “bums go to Iceland” he eagerly sets course there in the Tardis straight away. The Doctor Who is browsing just past the “ready-meal s***e for a pound” freezers in the second aisle when he discovers a long-lost colony led by his old Liverpudlian friend from Till Death To The Daleks Us Do Part (already documented), Scarse Gitz. The Doctor Who is playing spoons with Gitz when Mel spots them and orders them both out of bed this minute! Completely sick of the irritating child, the Doctor Who looks the other way while allowing Gitz to kidnap her. Alone again and mourning his “loss” with a celebration drink in the nearby cafe, the Doctor Who is informed by his socially inadequate waitress Ace that this particular Iceland is actually a spaceship which newspaper tycoon Citizen Kane is driving around the cosmos to deliver copies of his odious tabloids. “Rrrrrrreally? Well we'll see about that, the little rrrrascal,” says the Doctor Who before pulling the plugs out of their sockets causing all the freezer cabinets to defrost and the spaceship to melt. Confidence in his sexuality restored, the Doctor Who decides to take Ace up the vortex and away they spin.

Archivist: Suthers