Doctor Who and the Water Board of Mars

The Doctor Who the going-slightly-mad-thanks-to-the-infernal-John-and-Gillian drops in on Mars but is captured by a robot called Inspector Gadget or something and taken to an colony of Earthlings. There he discovers that they have given a new meaning to the term "colonic irrigation" because water is pouring in from a burst pipe or something. So the Doctor Who rings Mars Water to complain and is left hanging on the phone listening to some muzak and thus discovers the torture called Water-Boarding. Adelaide calls a plumber but he sucks in air through his teeth and says "It'll cost yer". The Doctor Who finally snaps and kidnaps the entire colony because he's the ONLY ONE LEFT - conveniently forgetting about John and Gillian! OMG! Fail! Then he takes them all back to Earth. John and Gillian take the opportunity to get on the X Factor where they create a new form of torture by singing. They embarrass the Doctor Who by winning acres of space in the trashy tabloids which dub them "Jillian" to save space. But the ordeal is too much for Adelaide who shoots herself.

Archivist: Suthers