The big ship sails on the Ally Ally Oh except it's not the Ally Ally Oh it's outer space and the big ship is the Titanic and the Titanic is crap and always sinks*.
Two fat ignorant people are on the ship ruining it for everyone by being fat and ignorant and dressing stupidly. The Doctor Who is nice them so that he can trick them into dying later which he does and they do. The Robots of Death are on the ship also, dressed up all Christmassy and pretending to be the Ood. Kylie Minouge is on the ship and she is beloved of the gays as is the Doctor Who but the Doctor Who is not a gay he is ...well he's not really arsed but he does like to manipulate the emotions of women that are far younger than him because it makes him feel full up inside, or at least a little more full up. Anyway, the Doctor Who sets to work on Kylie Minogue but she dies while she is trying to run over a severely disabled man in a fork-lift, which is surprising because no one would ever have guessed that Kylie Mynogge could drive fork-lift as it isn't really part of her usual working day and anyway don't you need a certificate or something. I knew a girl called julie drove one for a while and she got a cert and made good money out of it but not as much as a pop singer LOL.
Little Mo from Eastenders has had better Christmases than this but at least the gays are happy with their agenda ruining everything for me and Aunt Dolly who is very sensitive to such things and often in need of smelling salts. Oh, and there's a guy called the Bananalattecafe or something in it too but he's only a little bollix so forget about him and Geordie is on the Titanic going on about anomalies but everyone's too busy wondering if the meteoroids are actually meteorites and if they are how come they are on fire before passing through Earth's atmosphere so it's grand.
Archivist: Garr
Monstrously deformed, 
Half human, half lost library and half automaton, 
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