The Doctor Who and the Overt Foreboding and Also There's a Mysterious Poem

The stairs of doom. Nothing like Spanish Steps but the best we could find.

The Doctor Who the second sits upon a cheap set meant to look like the Spanish Steps, because it is a very famous set of stairs and the Doctor Who is always messing about with famous things. A bearded man in a hat walks by in the background, never breaking eye contact with the camera.

Yesterday, upon the stair... 

The Doctor Who the fourth is walking through a crowd of cheap looking aliens (hey, sometimes the discount you get for buying in bulk isn't enough) when he bumps into an elderly man who out-tramps the Doctor Who. The Doctor Who apologizes by saying something inscrutable and continues on his way.

I met a man who wasn’t there... 

The Doctor Who the sixth is quite busy being very cross indeed, and asks a nearby staring man what he's looking at. The man replies with the single most cryptic thing anyone could ever possibly say in that particular situation.

He wasn't there again today... 

The Doctor Who the eighth tries to do a clever sciencey thing of some kind while attempting to ignore a man wearing precisely too many layers of clothing who is standing behind him, waving his hands in front of his face and saying, "I'm not being you. It hasn't been long since I was you but I'm not being you. Is this annoying you? I'm not being you."

Oh, how I wish he'd bugger off.

Archivist: Brainiac Nutjob

The Doctor Who and the Umpteenth Bloody Retcon

The Doctor Who (1) and Susan are talking to irritatingly nosey schoolteachers Ian and Barbara in a junkyard when The Doctor Who (8), sporting a new haircut, a new outfit and several fresh wounds, walks into frame and punches The Doctor One in the face. After he storms off, everyone collects themselves and continues talking as normal. While this happens, several the Doctor Whos walk by in the background, trying very hard not to be noticed. The name of the junkyard periodically changes from Foreman's Yard to Totter's Yard, Forman's Yard and Bad Wolf Yard.

Archivist: Brainiac Nutjob

Doctor Who and Father DeleTed

The Doctor Who travels to Craggy Island following reports that it has been overrun by his old friends the Cybermen. Too late, he finds Father Ted slumped in a corner muttering "You fockin' ee-jit. Just delete delete the little fockers, so it is." Mrs Doyle defeats the Cybermen by forcing her sandwiches upon them while demanding "Ah, go on - go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on."

Archivist: Suthers