The Doctor Who and The Issues Helpline

FX: Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Pause. Ring-ring, ring-ring, ring-ring.

Caller: "Hi, is that the helpline. You gotta help me guys. Er, hello?"

FX: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now muzak by The Matt Smiths plays for an eternity.

Operator: "Right then. What do you want?"

Caller: "Oh thank goodness. Please help me. I've been affected by the issues."

Operator: "Well we gathered that. Otherwise you wouldn't be ringing would you?"

Caller: "Er, no I suppose not..."

Operator: "So you're depressed are you? A little bit under the weather and can't pull yourself together."

Caller: "Well I'm a little bit down but it's not depression. That's not the issue."

Operator: "What is it then?"

Caller: "My boyfriend died like that a couple of weeks back. He got stabbed through the heart by an artist's easel."

Operator: "Well it's easel-y done!"

Caller: "I'm sorry?"

Operator: "I said it's easel-y done. EASEL-Y geddit? OK, please yourself."

Caller: "Oh I see... Well yes, that is rather good. Ha ha! You know I feel better already."

Operator: "That's nice. Hey, did you see that Codwoorth is coming back?"

Archivist: Suthers